Moons of Iego
by Xandryh
Summary: Padmé thinks back on her life with Anakin after her death, trying to find what good is still left in him.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they belong to George Lucas.

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"Are you an angel?"

That was the first thing he ever said to me. When we met, so many years ago, when he had no idea of who I was, and I had no idea of who he would become, how much he would matter to me.

He told me then that he would marry me. I did not think much of it then, he was just this sweet little boy, who was perhaps a bit silly. But when we parted, he was always in my thoughts, I was always wondering how life was going for that sweet little boy. But with my duties I did not have time to linger on the thoughts, but they always stayed with me, _he_ always stayed with me.

The next time I saw him, I hardly recognized him at first. But when I looked into those blue eyes of his, there was no mistaking it was him. And the look in his eyes when he watched me, and the way he spoke to me, so passionately, it was clear that I had been as much on his mind as he had been on mind, if not more, and certainly in a different way, but then he had always had a memory of me as practically an adult. Admittedly I was very young when we met, but still old enough to be Queen of Naboo. I only had memories of the little boy, not the young adult, not the soon to be Jedi Knight. Not of this handsome young man who was watching my every move. The way he acted, the way he looked at me, spoke to me, it made things hard. It made it hard not to feel wanted, appreciated, as a _person, _for once, and not as a senator. And knowing him, and getting to know him once more, made it hard not to relax in his presence, not to fall for him. And he made it very clear that he cared for me, deeply, that he loved me. I tried to deny him, tried to deny our ever growing love. I was a senator, he was a Jedi, I was older than he was, he was not allowed to be involved with anyone, it would be living a lie, forever keeping a secret, and so I told him. He could be childish, jealous and just plain arrogant sometimes. But having to deal with a very real possibility of our deaths changed that. He was kind, brave, loving. He wanted to save everyone. He was _good._ And I loved him, so deeply. And the fact that we might die made me realize just how deeply I did love him, and that I just couldn't deny him anymore. I just needed him to know that I loved him too, no matter what, even if we would die. Because truthfully, having to keep our love a secret wasn't living a lie as much as trying to deny our love, as trying to deny who _were,_ was.

We survived only to find ourselves at the beginning of the Clone Wars. Times were hard, the galaxy was at war. The politicians did what they could, but nothing was enough. The Jedi did what they could, but the war seemed to never end. The Sith seemed unbeatable to some. Little did we know that the very Sith Lord we were looking for had managed to fool us all and was manipulating us, making fools out of us. We were blind. Towards the end, many of us began to suspect that something was wrong with the Chancellor, but we could do nothing about it.

Five years into the Clone Wars I found myself pregnant. I was alone for the first months since my husband, we had married just shortly after the Clone Wars begun, was far out in the galaxy on different missions with his former master. He was now a Jedi Knight, and one of the most powerful ones. When he returned home, I told him the news and he was thrilled. I was scared about what would happen, there was a war, and it was only a matter of time before the Jedi Council would realize what we had done, that we had broken their codex. But he told me not to worry, that everything would be fine. He was my husband, he was strong and powerful and good and soothing, how could I not believe him? We made plans to have the baby back home, in Naboo. But we never got that far…

He turned. He turned away from everything he stood for, everything that we believed in. All because of some dreams. Dreams in which I died. He was so scared of losing me, the ones he loved, that he turned against us all. He was supposed to be our savior, but he turned out to be our doom. He did monstrous things. When his master told me I refused to believe him. It didn't make sense, he was much too good to do something like that. I didn't want to believe him. I think in reality I knew… I knew deep down that something was wrong, that something was happening to him, I just didn't want to see it. I wish I had. Maybe I could have stopped him. If that was even possible at all. When he set his mind to something it was near impossible to talk him out of it. Maybe that was why I didn't want to believe, to see, because I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to stop him, to save him. Not when he was trying to save me. But I confronted him. And when he confirmed what I feared, and told me of his plans, it broke me. It broke my heart. I pleaded with him to come back to me, come back to the light, but there was no reasoning with him. And when his former master revealed himself, he had hid away on my ship without my knowing, he thought that I had brought him to kill him, and so he turned on me. He could have killed me if he had not seen reason in time. He did not turn back to the light, but he saw enough reason to see that he was about to destroy the one thing he loved above all else, me.

He battled his master, and he lost. He was disfigured and mutilated, but he lived. He is more machine now than anything else, it is the only way he can survive. And I was brought to a medical centre, where I gave birth to our children. We didn't know it was twins. First our son and then our daughter. I lived long enough to name them, and to tell his master that there was still good in him, no matter what he had done, there was still good in him. I knew.

They scattered our children across the galaxy to keep them safe from him. Who he had become would not show love or mercy to our children, the ones he had created with me in love. He would kill them, or turn them into monsters. What was left of the Jedi hid, in order to one day train our children, in hope that someday they could bring balance to the Force, bring peace to the galaxy.

I am watching over them, all of them, constantly. I think that my husband can feel me. I can't explain how, it's just a feeling I get. And there is still good in him. I can feel it. And I know him. No matter what he has done, and will do, he is good. He is kind. He is loving.

So why am I fighting a monster in black?

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it!


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